oops. ive been a bad blogger :) mostly because i dont know anyone who has a xanga... everyone has myspace and facebook, and the people i have added as friends havent added me back :( i think most people from my school have given up on this whole xanga thing... but ho hum. i dont have a diary so this will do.

i guess my first legitimate entry will be about boys...

i hate them.

why do they confuse me so? why do they make me feel sick to my stomach after ive been crushing? does that make sense? have you ever liked someone so much, you go a while without talking to them, and then when you sort of re-friend them you want to have nothing to do with them? theres a guy who i used to adore. we spent every chance we could together, then we sorta... i dunno... drifted a part? (its not as simple as that, but i dont really want to get into it so late at night) we've started talking again... and his feelings for me are still strong. but i could care less about talking to him or seeing him. i initally felt excited when i got that first im from him, but it soon faded... unfortunately it faded AFTER we planned on a date this weekend. and im a girl of my word.

another example is this guy i met a couple months ago on the bus (yes im too poor to drive a car). we got along wonderfully, exchanged myspaces, and that was that. he added me a day or 2 later and as i looked at his pictures, i suddenly felt really weird. i didnt want to reply to his comments or anything. how strange is that? he didnt even do anything wrong

i dont understand.

i want to find someone to fall in love with. i miss that feeling. but its like i cant. like my body pushes away the idea of love. i have no trouble meeting guys and i feel like we have a chemistry, but it soon fades into this sickening disgusting feeling, like "i cant believe i let his hold my hand" and "i cant believe i told him hes cute". its like i regret everything that happened with him, i regret every glance, every touch.

maybe im just too bizarre for my own good :(

Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Xanga... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!"